Plea to Insurance Companies

A natural disaster is the effect of a natural hazard that affects the environment, and leads to environmental, financial, and/or human losses. Currently, Insurance Companies classify these as Floods, Tornadoes, Lightning, Earthquakes, Volcanoes, and other “Acts of God.”
I am writing this letter to request that toddlers be added to this list.
Toddlers have a tendency to flush things such as Mommy’s car keys, Daddy’s Cell Phone, and Nerf Balls down the toilet. This causes flooding, often severe in nature, leading to financial loss and at a minimum, the contemplation of loss of human life.
Toddlers are human tornadoes and earthquakes combined. They have the ability to turn a perfectly clean and presentable room into a disaster zone in mere seconds. Having tripped over the results of these human explosions, I can assure you that they result in human losses. Broken toes, at a minimum, and hey, that’s a loss for this human.
Volcanoes. Give a toddler an ice cream, and then let them run around the house. Yeah. Enough said.
Since every child is “a blessing from God”, I firmly believe they can be classified as an “Act of God”, as well.
In closing, I would again like to express my wishes that Toddlers be added to Insurance Coverage under the “Natural Disaster” clause.
And if you can’t do that, can you at least fix my laptop? It was struck by lightning. True Story.